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FFN: Bittersweet

May 17, 2017

Like most knitters, I like to have a project to take with me when I travel. Such was the case this past February when The Giant and I made the trip to see my grandmother who was sick. The project for this trip was a pair of socks in the Felici colorway Time Traveler. I think I chose them because we would be traveling through multiple time zones on the trip and sometimes it is little things like that, which influence my choices.

The socks themselves were not overly special, they had an alternate color of cuff, heels and toes. The pattern was a very basic vanilla cuff down sock, with a fish lips kiss heel and a round toe. I remember grabbing the one pair of wooden sock needles I have, simply because I didn’t want to risk losing my project to TSA.

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My memories of that time period are very hazy, grief has a funny way of doing that I think. The socks were something to distract myself on the flight, although I remember telling The Giant that it was quite possible that this flight would be my last with my grandmother in the world. I knit as we drove from the airport north to her small town, arriving in the evening and seeing her on the bed in such a small and diminished state. I wanted nothing more than to pick her up and run away with her, find someway to make her whole again.  The socks stayed in the bag during that visit, although I did tell her about them. She was someone who was always supportive of my crafting. I know she often bragged to her friends that she had a granddaughter who spun her own yarn on a spinning wheel. She would ask me about it and the knitting every time we talked.

That night we said goodbye and The Giant and I headed for our place to stay. It was about an hour away and while it was dark, I can remember at least holding the yarn and the partially completed sock. My fingers running along the fabric I had created, as my mind struggled to come to terms with what was fast becoming reality.

We arrived at our quarters for the evening and I believe I knit a few more rounds on the sock, out of lack of anything else to do. Less than two hours after we had left her, I got the phone call that she had passed. In that moment it felt like my world shattered. I can’t say I remember too much after that, although the sock obviously got worked on. I finished the first one as we waited for our flight back home. I know I cast on the second one right after, and made a little progress. However, once we were in the air the socks got stored away and upon returning home they were put in a bag that was left within sight, but not touched.

They would gain a round or two every month or so, but for the most part the socks were tainted in my opinion. Last week however, I felt the urge to complete something, and those socks were the closest to being done. I grit my teeth and set to work. This past weekend I finally finished up the toe and as I grafted the toe I could help but think of the socks really are a pair of time travelers. Bittersweet Time Travelers.

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8 Comments
  1. My condolences. I’m so very sorry…

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. Your grandmother sounded so proud of your accomplishments as a knitter and you brought joy to her life. I love how the socks look, so colorful! thank you for sharing your story.

  3. So sorry for your loss but very glad to see you finished the socks and now they must be ‘untainted’. It sounds like she would have given you a hug and a pat on the back for making them. I suffered with a similar thing after my mother passed. Well done.

  4. Sending you lots of hugs and love. I am glad you finished them. Grandma would have wanted you to finishing them. call those your therapy Socks. My Mom knitted my x hubby 1 last sweater and it was her therapy sweater when my Dad died.

  5. I am sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to wear your socks and are not faced with sad memories with them on your feet.

  6. Bless you, sorry for your loss. I hope that in time these socks bring you comfort.

  7. So sorry for your loss. I have a shawl like this, from when my husband had surgery. I rarely wear it, because it makes me remember a difficult day, but whenever I do, I get compliments on it. I’m sure your grandmother would be very proud that you finished them, though, and they are lovely socks.

  8. shellssells permalink

    Have you read “A Tale for the Time Being” yet? (If not, I think you would like it. And if not, put the emphasis on “time” in the title.) Your grandmother was a Time Being. As such, the sock colorway is perfectly named, and it surprises me not in the least that’s what you had on hand during that time. They are beautiful bittersweet socks.

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